What's dropping.
What's worth it.
What's a war crime.

Okay. So the President of the United States — per a Variety story this week that I had to read three times because I assumed I was being pranked — disclosed $220 million in financial transactions for Q1, which included buying securities in Paramount, Warner Bros. Discovery, Netflix, Disney, and Comcast. The man who can move these companies' stock prices with a Truth Social post at 4am is, allegedly, also buying their stock. Pick a lane, sir. You can be the regulator or you can be the day trader. You cannot be both. Well — you can, apparently, and nobody's going to do anything about it, and the European Commission is over there squinting at the Paramount-WBD merger going "this might have to be reviewed under several frameworks," which is bureaucrat-speak for "we have no idea what's happening either." Meanwhile Elon is fighting The Odyssey on Twitter. Homer. He's mad at Homer. We are not a serious country and we no longer make serious television, and these two facts are related.

Let's get into it.

The Boys, Season 5 (Prime Video)

The final season of The Boys is here and Homelander is still doing the thing where Antony Starr makes a face that suggests he's about to either cry or commit a federal crime, and you genuinely cannot tell which. The episode this week is called "The Frenchman, the Female, and the Man Called Mother's Milk" which sounds like a Tarantino movie that got rejected for being too on the nose. Kripke is wrapping it up. He's been saying for two years he knows how it ends. Good — because every other prestige show stumbles into its finale like a guy who got off the wrong subway stop. Twelve thousand TMDb ratings averaging 8.5 doesn't lie. Watch it. It's the last one.

Euphoria, Season 3 (HBO Max)

Euphoria is back after — what, four years? Five? I genuinely don't know. The cast has aged so much they could now plausibly play the parents of the characters they played in season one. Sydney Sweeney has become a movie star, Jacob Elordi has become a movie star, Zendaya has become a movie star and also somehow simultaneously every magazine cover for the entire 2020s, and Sam Levinson has been rewriting every episode at 3am while a camera crew waits in a parking lot in Burbank. The episode is called "This Little Piggy." I'm sure that's fine. It's the most-anticipated show of the spring, the ratings will be enormous, and seventy percent of the discourse will be people getting mad about something that happens in the first six minutes. Locked in.