Netflix Rebooted Little House on the Prairie and Somebody Should Go to Prison

Netflix rebooted Little House on the Prairie. Let that sit for a second. In the year 2026, a room full of executives who wear vests to work looked at each other and said: you know what the algorithm is hungry for? Cholera. Wagons. A blonde child squinting into the sun. And then — and this is the part where I think somebody needs to be arrested — the showrunner went to Deadline this week and explained, unprompted, that she added "compelling fever dream flashbacks" to fill in the "stakes" of the Ingalls family backstory. The stakes. Of Little House on the Prairie. The stakes are they die of a cough. That is the entire show. But no, we needed Anne With An E-brained hallucination sequences because Netflix's model has determined that Gen Z will not commit to a family drama unless someone has a vision in the woods before minute nine. Christopher Nolan spent this same week praising Gen Z for "utterly rejecting AI slop" and I want to gently point out to Christopher, king, that the slop is coming from inside the house. It's called Netflix. It's called a fever dream flashback in a bonnet.

The Drops

House of the Dragon, Season 3 (HBO Max). The episode is called "Rhaenyra Triumphant," which is a spoiler and also the vibe of the entire ecosystem right now. HBO — sorry, Max, sorry, HBO Max, sorry, whatever it's calling itself by the time you read this, they change the name more often than a guy skipping child support — is running this show like it's the only asset they have left to defend in the Paramount-Warner merger, which Oregon's AG just quietly stopped trying to slow down. Read that news item and then watch a dragon eat a Hightower and tell me the metaphor isn't doing numbers. It remains the one thing on that platform where the money is on screen. Watch it.

Silo, Season 3 (Apple TV+). Rebecca Ferguson is still down there. It's still dark. The new episode is called "It's All Good" which, given the show, no it isn't. Silo remains Apple's actual best show — sorry, Severance people, cope — because it's the rare prestige sci-fi where the mystery box is being emptied instead of stacked. Every season answers something. Novel concept. Apple should try that with their movie division too. (the book series it's based on, on Amazon).

Rick and Morty, Season 9 (HBO Max). Season nine. Nine. This show has now been on longer than most of my friendships and roughly the same number of the original creators are still involved as are still speaking to me. The new episode is called "Mortgully: The Last Rickforest," which is either genius or the sound of a man drowning. 11,000 people rated the season and it's sitting at 8.7 so somebody's still showing up. Fine. I'm not fighting the internet on this.

X-Men '97, Season 2 (Disney+). "Rise of Apocalypse (2)." It's the one thing Disney+ makes that doesn't feel like it was assembled by a committee whose only note was "can we make Wolverine wink more." Watch it. It's the best animation on that platform and honestly the best Marvel product in years, which is like being the tallest guy at a party for kindergarteners, but I'll take it.

The Ghost in the Shell (Prime Video). They're doing it again. New anime series, new Kusanagi, new Puppet Master, and honestly — with everything that has happened to the internet since 1995, when the original film came out and warned us — I'm going to argue the material is somehow more relevant now than when it was made. It's on Prime Video. Twelve people have rated it a nine. I trust those twelve people more than I trust any other institution in this newsletter.

Little House on the Prairie (Netflix). See above. Luke Bracey is Charles Ingalls now, which — sure. He's a nice-looking Australian who once starred in Point Break. Perfect for a show about 19th-century Minnesota farmers. It's rated 5.4. It has fever dreams. Alice Halsey, who plays Laura, is eleven years old and the only person coming out of this clean.

I'm Not Afraid (Netflix). Mexican drama about a 10-year-old who finds a boy trapped in a hole. That's it. That's the pitch. Six people have rated it and given it an 8.2, and I choose to believe them because "there's a boy in a hole" is more premise than Little House managed to muster with a whole novel series.

Mushoku Tensei S3 (Hulu) and Kamen Rider (Prime Video) continue. The anime column is delivering. Live-action Hollywood should look over and take notes but they're too busy renaming their apps.

Criminal Minds, season 19 (Hulu). Season nineteen. My mother is delighted. She does not read this newsletter. She would not care.

PAW Patrol, season 13. Marshall is now older than most Marines. Moving on.

Movie corner

Nothing to Lose hit Netflix. A French drama about a mother who will do anything to save her sick son. It's rated 5.2 and even the seventeen people who saw it seem embarrassed. Skip.

The stuff nobody's talking about but should

Two headlines this week that tell you everything about where we are. One: Netflix is airing the MLB Home Run Derby. They will spend the entire broadcast reminding you it is a Netflix Live Event, as if the ball goes further because Ted Sarandos paid for it. Two: Shipwrecked: Nightmare at Sea, a documentary about the Costa Concordia, is apparently one of the most insane docs of the year per What's On Netflix. Great. A cruise ship crashed and now we're all going to watch it while we eat. That's the deal we have. That is the arrangement.

Also this week: Dwayne Johnson tried to revive The Odd Couple on Broadway with Kevin Hart. I want you to picture that. I want you to picture The Rock, veins visible from space, on a New York stage, doing Neil Simon. He said he's "not letting that dream go." Sir. Please. Let the dream go. The dream is bad.

Pick of the Week

House of the Dragon, Season 3. It's the biggest show on TV right now, it's actually earning it, and Rhaenyra is triumphant, which the episode title told you but I'm telling you again because I'm doing my job. If you want the good drug this week, this is it. Silo is the runner-up and X-Men '97 wins on a per-minute basis. Everyone else can wait for August, which — good news — Obsession is coming in the fall and Halle Bailey and Regé-Jean Page are in Tuscany making a rom-com, so we've got that to look forward to and dread in equal measure.

See you next week. Don't watch the fever dream flashbacks.