Issue 17 — Netflix spent $500M on more zombies

Netflix wrote AMC a $500 million check for more Walking Dead. Half a billion. For zombies. The same week a group of French directors went on the record that Netflix's script notes literally require them to make their movies dumber — flatter dialogue, faster reveals, the main character narrating the plot in case you're doing dishes. Half a billion for the ninth spinoff about people whispering in a Georgia forest, and the notes department is telling Under Paris to add another line where somebody says "it's a shark."

Also this week, SallyAnn Salsano, the woman who invented Jersey Shore, is making a Netflix reality show called The Leftovers about people in New Jersey. Not a joke. So the algorithm has spoken. It wants zombies, guidettes, and dialogue you can follow with your eyes closed. Onto the drops.

House of the Dragon is back on HBO Max

Season 3. Matt Smith is still doing the eyes-full-of-menace thing, Emma D'Arcy is still the best actor on television that most people can't pick out of a lineup, and the dragons still cost more than an entire A24 slate. James Norton just showed up as Lord Ormund Hightower, a name that sounds like a font. Episode 3 dropped this week — "Faceless Men," which is either a real title or a Reddit theory the writers overheard at a wrap party. This is the one HBO show that justifies whatever they're currently calling HBO.

✅ WORTH IT

Rick and Morty, season nine, somehow

Nine. Seasons. Justin Roiland is long gone, Ian Cardoni does the voices now, and if you didn't notice the swap you're already the target demo. It's fine. Still funny in spurts. Dan Harmon is also launching a second animated show this same week, which raises the question of whether one man can dilute himself twice at once. Answer: yes.

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President Curtis on HBO Max

Harmon's other new show. Keith David voices President Andre Curtis, the pitch is literally "crises Rick Sanchez could never be bothered with," and Adult Swim printed that in the press release without irony. So the marketing plan is: this is the Rick and Morty B-plots. Fourteen people on TMDb rated the pilot 5.4. That isn't the audience being harsh; that's the audience being honest. Skip unless you watch anything with Harmon's name on it.

🐍 SLOP

Silo season 4 on Apple TV+

Rebecca Ferguson is still Juliette, the silo is still full of secrets, and this is still one of the two or three Apple shows that anyone actually finishes. Common and Tim Robbins have a scene this week the cast keeps calling the best of the run. Ten episodes, weekly. Real television. (the Hugh Howey book it's based on on Amazon)

✅ WORTH IT

Furious on Hulu

Emmy Rossum plays an FBI agent hunting a female serial killer. Created by Elizabeth Meriwether, who made New Girl, which is not the résumé you'd have guessed. Scoot McNairy is in it doing what Scoot McNairy does, which is stand slightly too close to the camera looking sad. Perfectly cromulent Hulu thriller. Watch it while you make dinner. You will not remember it in November.

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The Idaho Murders: College Nightmare on Netflix

Joe Berlinger — the guy who made a Ted Bundy doc, then a Ted Bundy movie, then somehow more Ted Bundy content — has aimed his true-crime hose at the Idaho student murders. The victims' families have spent two years asking outlets to stop, and Netflix responded by hiring the most prolific serial-killer-content producer alive. The overview says it "honors the four young lives that were taken." That's always the word they use right before they cut to a reenactment.

☠️ WAR CRIME

Also out this week

The Devil's Mouth on Prime Video — Kathryn Newton and Lana Condor drown in a Thai cave with a monster. Solid summer horror if you've got 106 minutes and no plans. 🛋️ BACKGROUND TV

The Truthers on Netflix — Spanish thriller, mom dies, dad's acting weird, secrets emerge. It's fine. 🛋️ BACKGROUND TV

Final Project on Netflix — Mexican teen drama about online bullying that pushes a girl into "transformation." Five people have rated it. 🐍 SLOP

Mushoku Tensei S3 on Hulu — the isekai anime about the reincarnated pervert keeps being weirdly good if you can get past the pilot obstacles. ✅ WORTH IT

Soy Luna: Let's Roll Again on Disney+ — the roller-skate show is back. If you have a twelve-year-old, congratulations, you don't pick anymore. 🛋️ BACKGROUND TV

Pick of the Week

House of the Dragon. Not close. HBO can rename itself every eighteen months and I'll keep showing up for this show. Watch episode 3 tonight, then go read what Reddit thinks the title means for four hours. That's a Saturday.

The closer

A company called Bingebuster just launched a virtual 3D Blockbuster you can walk around inside to browse Netflix. Read that again. Netflix's UX is now so broken that people are building simulations of dead 1998 businesses to help you find something to watch on it. Meanwhile a coalition led by Alan Cumming is trying to stop the Paramount-Warner merger before one company is making 100% of the slop instead of the current five. Alan Cumming versus the algorithm. Godspeed.